What Is Grief Counselling, and How Do You Find (and Pay For) It?

Detailed Explanation

Grief counselling is often suggested in the weeks after a death, usually without anyone explaining what it actually is, where to find it, or what it costs. This page covers the general picture. The details, especially funding, depend on the country you live in.

What grief counselling involves

Grief counselling is talking support focused on a bereavement. It usually takes one of these forms:

• One-to-one sessions with a counsellor, psychologist, social worker or trained bereavement volunteer, in person, by phone or by video.
• Support groups, where people bereaved in similar ways (a partner, a child, by suicide) meet regularly, often with a facilitator.
• Helplines and online chat, useful for a first conversation or a hard night.

Sessions are a place to talk about the person who died and what happened, and to deal with the practical and emotional weight of what comes after. A counsellor won't tell you how to grieve or when to "move on". The aim is to help you carry the loss in a way that lets the rest of life continue.

Who it tends to help

Many bereaved people cope with the support of family, friends and time, and don't need formal counselling. It is more likely to help when:

• grief is still making daily life very hard many months after the death
• the death was sudden, violent, by suicide, or involved a child
• you have little support around you, or feel you can't talk to family (see coping with grief when you have little support)
• the relationship was complicated, or there is guilt or anger you can't put down
• you are caring for others and have no space for your own grief

Some people develop prolonged grief disorder, a recognised condition in which intense grief persists and interferes with life long after the death. It is usually treated by a mental health clinician rather than through general bereavement support. How long does grief last? explains the difference between grief that is hard but normal and grief that needs more help. After a traumatic death, see how grief differs after a sudden or traumatic death.

Where to find a grief counsellor

The routes in are similar in most countries:

1. A GP or family doctor. They can check how you are, refer you to local services, and in some countries a referral is what unlocks public funding.
2. The hospice or hospital. If the person died in a hospice, or in hospital palliative care, ask about bereavement support. Many hospices offer it to families after a death.
3. Your employer's Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Many employers fund a small number of free, confidential counselling sessions for staff and sometimes their families.
4. Bereavement charities and helplines. These are often free and don't need a referral.
5. Private counsellors and psychologists. Professional registers and associations list qualified practitioners; ask whether they have experience with bereavement.
6. Specialist services. There are dedicated services for parents whose baby or child has died, for people bereaved by suicide, and for bereaved children. For children, see how to support a grieving child.

What it costs, in general

• Free: charities, helplines, hospice bereavement services, EAPs and some public services.
• Subsidised: public health systems or insurance may cover part of the cost, usually for sessions with a psychologist or registered clinician rather than any counsellor.
• Private: fees vary widely by country, city and qualification. Before booking, ask about the fee, any gap after rebates or insurance, and the cancellation policy.

How it works in different countries

• Australia. Under Medicare's Better Access initiative, a GP can prepare a mental health treatment plan that gives access to a limited number of rebated sessions with a psychologist or other eligible provider each calendar year. GriefLine offers free phone and online grief support, and Grief Australia provides grief counselling and resources. For crisis support, Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
• United Kingdom. The NHS suggests seeing a GP if you are struggling to cope or have had a low mood for more than two weeks. In England, adults can refer themselves to NHS Talking Therapies without seeing a GP, though waiting times vary. Cruse Bereavement Support runs a free national helpline on 0808 808 1677 (check its website for current opening hours). Samaritans can be called free, at any time, on 116 123.
• United States. Medicare Part B covers outpatient mental health care from clinical psychologists, clinical social workers, marriage and family therapists and mental health counselors; after the Part B deductible, you generally pay 20% of the Medicare-approved amount. Private insurance coverage depends on the plan. Medicare-certified hospices must make bereavement services available to the family for up to a year after the patient's death. In a crisis, call or text 988, the free 24/7 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

How it works where you are

• In Australia: How much grief counselling costs in Australia, and what Medicare covers

Things to Consider

• Fit matters more than credentials alone. If the first counsellor doesn't feel right after a session or two, it is fine to try someone else.
• Ask about bereavement experience. Many good therapists see grief rarely. It is reasonable to ask how often they work with bereaved clients.
• Waiting lists are common for free services. A helpline or group can be a bridge while you wait for one-to-one support.
• Counselling doesn't replace the people around you. It works alongside family, friends, faith communities and your own ways of remembering. Some families keep an online memorial as a place to keep sharing stories.
• Time off work can help counselling fit in. See what is bereavement leave for how leave works in different countries.

Common Mistakes

• Waiting until things are unbearable. Support is easier to use before a crisis. You don't need to be at breaking point to ask.
• Assuming it must be expensive. Free and subsidised options exist in most places, but many people never ask about them.
• Paying privately before checking what's covered. In some systems a doctor's referral or plan is needed first to get a rebate or insurance cover.
• Thinking needing help means grieving "wrong". Seeking counselling says nothing about how much you loved the person or how well you are coping. It is simply support.
• Treating a crisis as something to wait out. If you're having thoughts of suicide, contact a crisis line or emergency services now: Lifeline 13 11 14 in Australia, Samaritans 116 123 in the UK, or 988 in the US.